Past Life

Ever since the bombing of a bus along EDSA, blockbuster na ang MRT araw-araw. Yesterday, I rode the MRT to get to somewhere to meet a friend. As I waited for my turn sa pila ng ticket na ubod ng haba na mukhang mas okay pa yatang nilakad ko na lang ang pupuntahan ko, I saw someone who looks familiar. He was standing right below where I can view the station's clock, so every time I check the time, I glance at him trying to recall if I really know him. He was actually waiting for someone, a guy friend of his, but I knew he was glancing at me too, as he turned his head left and right.

After I got my ticket, I saw him gone from where he was standing, so I hurried to enter my card, then I saw him with his friend, but I just passed them by since I was too conscious that the train might leave me. Luckily, I got a seat at the train, then he and his friend entered, then as he walked in front of me, he was staring, so I just looked down. He stood somewhere near.

It really felt like we both know each other, only we can't remember. Then the thought of asking him his name crossed my mind, in fact, nagpapractice na nga ako ng lines ko eh. "Hey, do I know you? 'Coz you look familiar. May I know your name?" 'pag kilala ko pangalan niya, syempre magpapakaFC na meh, kung hindi naman, may line na rin ako. "Oh, sorry. I must have gotten the wrong person. Nice meeting you, anyway." Kaso syempre't nahihiya talaga ako dahil napakarandom ng gagawin ko at hindi ko ma-muster ang strength sa pagkakataon na 'yun.

Nang malapit na ako sa bababaan kong station, tumayo na ako. Laking gulat ko at sa parehas na station kami bumaba. Nauna silang bumaba kaysa sa akin, at napansin kong he was glancing a little, maybe to see where I was. Nag-CR sila ng friend niya, pumasok siya pero hanggang sa door lang, na tila'y medyo nakasilip ang ulo. Then I felt again na hinahanap niya ako. Then tumayo siya sa labas ng CR, as if he was looking for someone, while I was near the siomai house (ata) texting my friend kung nasaan na siya. Then he and his friend went to the siomai house behind me, ooohh.. he was so close, they were talking so narinig ko boses niya kahit mahina.

He's not tall, and lalo ko talagang naisip na kilala ko siya. Pero nanghihinayang talaga akong I didn't ask for his name, eh di sana hindi ako isip ng isip kung sino ba siya. :))

On my way home, I posted a status in facebook telling them I saw a guy sa MRT, then one replied, baka past life. Then the thought just came to me, it would be cool if that's real, then you'll get to meet the person in your present life. Feeling ko tuloy soulmate ko siya. lol joke lang po.

Stability

Emotional stability, n the quality of being physically or emotionally predictable, orderly, not readily moved.

Ever felt of emo-ing for no reason? Well, I do, a lot of times. The happy-go-lucky me may not show it, 'coz I mask my emotions well. I know that I am not emotionally stable, in fact, there are times that I just want to cry until I satisfy myself. Since I got my "mood swings" again last night, and still bothered 'till today, I took a personality test to know how emotionally unstable I am.

Your total score is 9 and the average score is 14.70

Your Grade ** Sensitive **

Your answers you gave indicate how emotionally stable you are. A score of 20 and above indicates that you are stable, balanced and free from emotional shifts. A score of less than 10 is characteristic of someone who is more likely to feel stress in life and seeks greater relaxation.

Emotional reaction: Emotionally reactive individuals admit to a variety of problems in coping with day-to-day situations and are often tense and anxious. They are worried about what others think and are deeply affected by circumstances. They are concerned about the future and are often dissatisfied with their past achievements. Having been let down by others in the past may have taught them to be suspicious of the motives and abilities of other people.

Still, my score is below average, a proof that I'm unstable, but at least I'm not neurotic. It's true that I easily get paranoid and bothered when people don't talk to me, and all the other questions in the test, but I don't think sensitive is the right word to describe me. I think I'll probably just cry out this heavy feeling, but I don't feel like crying right now.

Friendship

...is the rainbow between two hearts sharing seven colors: feelings, love, sadness, happiness, truth, faith, secret and respect.

Dead Neighbor

Tanya Markova, a cross-dressing, make-up wearing, all-male Filipino band whose name is an anagram of the Ilocano words “natay” meaning dead and “karovam” or “karubam” meaning neighbor. Combined, Tanya Markova stands for dead neighbor (Marasigan J., 2010). This is their first album cover, with 20 tracks in it. You'll probably find a lot of filler tracks here, the best one so far is the one titled Psst where you'll only hear "psst". Their songs are not really of lyric-value and everything they sing is just so random. A lot of people does not like their music 'coz it's random and, uh yuh, no sentimental meaning. Well, that's what I think I like about them, pure randomness. Their first single's Picture Picture, followed by Disney, and Disney's my all-time favorite, not to mention it's creative music video.

Ang pangarap ko nung bata

Sana'y matupad.

Sa lugar na mahiwaga

'Dun ay mapadpad.

Doubting

Recently, I offered help to some friends answering an online exam. Yeah, I know it's not legal to do so, it's a case of cheating. But cheating's a part of our lives one way or another, so I didn't over-think about doing it.

I felt guilty that I was wrong in some parts. But what's worse is the feeling of being doubted even though they knew you already took the same exam. Yeah, I know I can't be a hundred percent sure of the answers I'm telling them that time, but at least I gave them an idea about how it works. Let's just say that they won't accept my idea and they even argued that it's wrong, but during the last minute, when they saw another friend's answers, they told each other that our other friend's "formula" is the same as mine, so they just copied it (fyi, they copied our friend's answers, not mine).

I know this ain't a big deal, I should not care whether they copy my answers or not, but this is just so heartbreaking.

For the record, bitch.

You!

Yes, you.

Sorry.

._.

I just want you to know that you're amazing just the way you are, whoever you are. :)

Oh, 'wag mag-assume, marami kasing tao sa mundo.

Kidding. Teeheehee~

Shut Up

Kelan kaya ako matututong manahimik na lang at sarilinin ang lahat ng naiisip ko? Alam ko, masyado akong madaldal, at iyon ay isang napakalaking problema sa sarili ko na hindi ko magawan ng panghabangbuhay na paraan at solusyon. I'm aware na may mga taong nasa paligid ko na may mapagmatiyagang mga mata na maaaring pumansin ng aking mga gawain, pero bakit sadyang napaka-insensitive ko? Gaya ngayon, malamang ay mapupuna na naman itong sinulat kong ito.

Hindi ko rin naman kasi masisisi ang mga tao na magbigay ng di kanais-nais na reaksyon sa mga bagay bagay lalo na't kung napakalabo ng mga pangyayari at sadyang kulang sa tamang paliwanag. Wala naman sa mga intensyon ko sa buhay ang makapanakit ng kapwa, sadyang ito ay parte ng buhay ng bawat tao na mahirap iwasan kahit gaano ka pa kabait. I'm writing everything everything out of random thoughts, kahit ano lang ang maisipan kong i-type ngayon, tinatype ko. I just have to relieve whatever stress I'm having right now.

Naaalala ko tuloy, nung mga unang panahon, whenever I feel something na nakakapagpabagabag ng kalooban ko, I just have to find a random notebook and write everything down, either in iterary form or just random shit. Kaso dumating 'yung time na may nakabasa ng isa kong sinulat about someone, and that was probably the start of my tumaas na level na kadaldalan. Di talaga ako sanay na magsabi sa ibang tao ng mga bumabagabag sa akin, kaya nga maging ako naninibago sa sarili ko ngayon. I wish that I can be the same old Ren na napaka masikreto na tipong walang nakakaalam ng whereabouts ko sa buhay, kung saan napakamalaking misteryo ng personal kong buhay maging sa mata ng mga pinakamalalapit kong kaibigan. Yes, i may look like an extrovert, oo kapag mga public parts ng buhay, pero I like personal stuffs to be kept hidden. May be I should just get a diary at home. Yes yes? I promise I'll try to be back to the same old Ren, kaso baka naman manibago friends ko niyan. As I always say, may isang putang inang _____ na makapagpapabago ng buhay mo. Well, I think I'm better off without the bird-ass mouth. :))

Wala nang time para i-reread pa ito, bahala na lang kung anumang maisip. /wrist I'll probably just reread this some other time. 'Kay, back to whatever I have to do na. :))