Random December Ranting

This is my worst December so far. I'd just rant about it some other day when I have enough time already to commit suicide. I just hope it doesn't get any worse than now. On the bright side, no classes tomorrow, and Christmas break starts on Friday! Yey for the nearing three weeks of boredom! I am as boring as a rock that I do not do anything different on Christmas and New Year's. And yes, I know what you're thinking right now, so might as well thank you for the compliment, pal. NOT. #asifsomeonereallycares

And yeah, belated congratulations to my dearest friend, no need to name the person, for having a new love life yesterday. I only wish the best to the new couple. May you guys be able to attain your 12/12/12 dream. And by that, I meant that you should. Just always stay in love, you, lovebirds. Oh well, this just proves that love is in the air, but am I some kind of an anaerobic organism to be deprived of it? Another reason to hate this almost-ending year. #pleasekillmenow

Anyway, Christmas isn't about having a romantically-important someone by your side, but it's about celebrating for Christ's "birthday". But the heck with it, I'm no Catholic to believe in that. Not to ruin anybody else's yuletide season, but December is not really the birth month of Christ, just so you know.

Meme~

As I am not a fan of long-pieces-of-shit reading materials, rereading my blog told me that neither should I be a fan of myself. I have numerous blogs that are long and wordy enough to even make a storyteller fall asleep. Talk about irony. Guess I am no good after all lol

Was?

I decided to check on this blog since I miss blogging about whatever stuff there is for me to think about. But lately, I've been too busy lazy to talk about what's happening to me, rather there is nothing exciting happening to me.

As of now, nothing's coming out of my erratic mind. There should be at least few things I can write about, like my summer classes, summer night outs, 18th birthday and the like, but everything seems to be empty lately.

If you're thinking that I am emo-ing right now, well, you are wrong. I am actually enjoying my life to the fullest as I can make it. Call me happy-go-lucky, but I love living my life today as today, yesterday as yesterday, and tomorrow as tomorrow. Well, you get my point there. Just for sharing, I actually envy one acquaintance who once told me that he never regretted anything he had done. May that be the case for me, too. In fact, some things are just not worth remembering, so why even have regrets. :) And yes, I know, I am an egoistic bitch, really.

Wow, there's actually something in my mind worth writing after all. And I've used the word actually numerous times for a short shit like this. Anyway, have a great night! Still busy doing important things. Toodles~

P.S. Was is the German for what. And it's the first word that popped out of my mind when I clicked "New Post". Just saying. :P

Live In Manila!

So yeah, these are the only pictures we got from Good Charlotte's mall tour in Glorietta (It's in the Philippines, just so you know). I'm not a fangirl of their band, so no fangirling mode here. I like some most of their songs. I'm also hands down for their guitar solo's, especially in the song Like It's Her Birthday. According to their Official Website, the concert will only last for 30 minutes, but hell yeah, it lasted for more than an hour. Honestly, I don't go much to concerts 'coz I don't like the feeling of mingling with the crowd, also the feeling of spending too much money for myself to enjoy such things. I don't even scream, nor raise my hands. On second thought, maybe I will, if there's this undeniably strong peer crowd pressure. But the outside crowd is too boring, they don't even sing nor raise their hands, unlike the other people I've been with to other concerts. And it didn't help in raising the rock spirit of the concert.

From all the songs they played, I only knew seven: Like It's Her Birthday, Girls & Boys, I Don't Wanna Be In Love, I Just Wanna Live, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, Hold On, and Sex on the Radio. FYI, I just know those seven songs, not really memorize the lyrics ('coz I'm poor with memorizing lyrics), except for Like It's Her Birthday and Hold On 'coz these two are my personal favorites. Knowing little about them and their songs, still, I enjoyed it. I'll probably regard it as the best or second best from all the concerts I have been to. I just wished after that I had a picture taken with them. Now, I envy Pacquiao more than ever. He's got a picture with them while I don't.

Do Not Reject Ho

I guess I'm insignificant after all. Thus, leading to not rejecting the null hypothesis.

Conclusion: There is no sufficient evidence that love is greater than hatred.

Think I'm too inspired with Biostatistics? Eh. Not. Just giving myself a break from all the stresses in my life.

The Greatest Love of Them All

Close your eyes, close your eyes

Breathe the air, out there

We are free, we can be

Wide open

For you open my eyes

To the beauty I see

We we will pray,

We we will stay

Wide open

Don’t analyse

Don’t analyse

Don’t go that way

Don’t lead that way

That would paralyse your evolution

Don’t analyse

Don’t analyse

Don’t go that way

Don’t lead that way

That would paralyse your evolution

Lalala this greatest moment

Lalala the strangest day

Lalala the greatest love of them all

Lalala. this greatest moment

Lalala, the strangest day

Lalala, the greatest love of them all

Close your eyes

Close your eyes

Breathe the air, out there

Fantazise, fantazise

We are open

For you I open my eyes

To the beauty I see

We we will pray

We we will stay ...together

Lalala, this greatest moment

Lalala, the strangest day

Lalala, the greatest love of them all

Lalala, this greatest moment

Lalala, the strangest day

Lalala, the greatest love of them all

Lalalalala

- Analyse, The Cranberries

I wish I feel as much as great as this song. Please make me feel I am that loved. I want no hatred, no anger, no heartbreaks, no pain. I sound crazy and impossible, but nothing's impossible if there is love. I know I sound gay, but you always say what you want is "love." So please, learn how to forgive. There are plenty of ways to have vengeance, even meaner ways. But whatever it is, I think it is not enough of a reason to ruin someone's name. Hindi naman siguro tama na siraan ang pagkatao niya. Forgiveness is still one of the greatest form of love there is. Please prove me wrong whatever it is I'm thinking about you. Let's be mature, please.

Suicide

I want you to feel how much I love you, but don't forget that I value him, too. Now, I'm having a major nervous breakdown, literally near one. I'm even near thinking about suicide, seriously. Sorry, but I'm just not emotionally stable, you know what I do to myself whenever I'm depressed. Please let me talk you out of this, so I can also get myself out of this painful condition.

I hope you can withstand being with me until my our special days.

Basag is my middle name

I just reread my blogs, and I can say I'm really basag and all that. Fuck myself. I guess I should reread whatever I typed right after posting it. Fuuuuuu~

And speaking of basag, I want another (and more) basag night. After exams, I surely will. Let's detox friends. I know you guys want some hard partying too. UBE. :>

L-I-F-E

"LIFE" without "F" = "LIE"

A LIFE without you giving a shitload of Fuck in it is just like living a LIE. And for the record, LIFE is never lived without LIEs. I know you know it. We all lied about something in some part of our lives, and everybody seems to give a damn, or maybe not. Who cares anyway, we'll all end up as liars in the end.

I Swear That You Don't Have To Go

I swear that you don't have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you
I had in you

To late, I'm sure
and lonely
another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now
against me
You know the words so sing along for me baby

For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

I thought with a month of apart
Together would find us an opening
And moonlight would provide the spark
And that I would stumble across the key
Or break down the door to your heart
Forever could see us not you and me
And you'd help me out of the dark
And I'd give my heart as an offering
an offering
To late, I'm sure
and lonely
another night, another dream wasted on you

Just be here now
against me
You know the words, so sing along for me baby

For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

And I will always remember you as, you are right now to me
And I will always remember you now, remember you now

So sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side
Sleep alone tonight
How does he feel, how does he kiss
(let's sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side)
How does he taste while he's on your lips
(let's sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side)
How does he feel, how does he kiss
(Repeats in background:let's sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side)
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you I want to
But I can't forget you
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you I want to
But I can't forget you
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby
I can't forgive you
I know you want me to want you I want to

-Three Cheers For Five Years, Mayday Parade

Instead of studying for our Bio116 last Lec Exam, I'll just spare some of my precious time blogging about you it, or whatever is related to my traumatic experience.

Yesterday, someone something made me too vulnerable to emo songs. With no one to talk to, I kept the pain, hoping it will soon be gone. But to make it even worse, Mayday Parade's Three Years For Five Years played in my iTunes, and Bam!, just the perfect timing, non-stop buckets of tears just flowed out of my puffy eyes. It was around 3am, just to be exact. iTunes just knew how to spoil my emoness. Ftw! It's probably only the second time I cried over something like this. But the day turned out to be blissfully alright, better yet, awesome. Too much for emoness. Now back to studying Molluscs and Echinoderms. Ciao~

I was supposed to take a photo of what made my day. Unfortunately, I don't have my cameras with me. Sad. But at least you know I'm happy. :))

Making A Scene

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Tonight I kinda get the feeling,

My girl is up to something,

Something that is no good.

She said she only had a meeting,

But she is dressed for something,

Something that is no good.

Now I'm not saying that she's cheating,

But seeing is believing,

Can't believe it,

What I'm seeing when I stepped inside.

She's so wasted,

Acting crazy,

Making a scene,

Like it's her birthday.

Drinking champagne,

Going insane,

Falling on me,

Like it's her birthday.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

This ain't the night I thought it'd be.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

She ain't shy, apparently.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

You can hear the crowd and everybody sings.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Just like it's her birthday.

She turns and says don't be surprised,

It's gonna be a good night,

A good, good night.

She's showing me a different side,

One I've never seen before,

That I Ignore.

Cause when I'm up she's all about me,

When I'm down,

She stays around me,

Now I know I'm one and only,

So I might as well enjoy the ride.

She's so wasted,

Acting crazy,

Making a scene,

Like it's her birthday.

Drinking champagne,

Going insane,

Falling on me,

Like it's her birthday.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

This ain't the night I thought it'd be.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

She ain't shy, apparently.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

You can hear the crowd and everybody sings.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Just like it's her birthday.

Like it's her birthday.

Like it's her birthday.

Like it's her birthday.

Like it's her birthday.

She's so wasted,

Acting crazy,

Making a scene,

Like it's her birthday.

Drinking champagne,

Going insane,

Falling on me,

Like it's her birthday.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

This ain't the night I thought it'd be.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

She ain't shy, apparently.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

This ain't the night I thought it'd be.

You can hear the crowd and everybody sings.

Just like it's her birthday.

- Like It's Her birthday, Good Charlotte

Now that most of my friends have already turned into eighteen, I am compassionately (lol whut?) excited to reach a decade and eight years of my life. Legalization, here I come. But no, still two more long months of waiting in vain, where I can already foresee that I will do nothing on my birthday, like my usual birthday celebration. Yes, sad to hear, it makes me look like a loner with no friends. But c'mon, you can't blame me if my friends are in their provinces, it's summer vacation after all. I'll just express my overwhelming excitement about the dirty legal stuff I can already do, like this and that, 'till I can act all insane and become the wasted young sprout. Well, uh, you get my point. You may probably learn something from the song, anyway. Teeheehee~

Ooopps... I Was Caught Having Sex

Yesterday, I was caught having sex, at a friend's condo unit, with a random stranger I picked from Malate. Yes, I know, it was humiliating, but what can I do? It has already happened. *dies*

Biro lang po. Kahapon, naabutan lamang po ako ng kapatid ng kaibigan ko na natutulog sa condo unit ng ate niya. Nagising ako ng 3pm at narealize kong malapit na akong mahuli para sa mass. Pagbangon ko, nakita kong may tao na pala akong kasama sa kwarto. At dahil malabo ang aking mga mata, matagal kong nakilala ang nasabing tao. Kapatid pala iyon ng classmate ko, at may dala-dala siyang gamit ng ate niya. Nakakailang man, ngunit wala kaming pansinan sa mga minutong magkasama kami sa unit. Ginawa niya ang mga dapat inyang gawin, samantalang nahihiya naman akong tumayo at gumalaw-galaw nang hindi man lang siya pinapansin. Maya-maya, may tumawag sa cellphone niya,sabay sabi niyang "Okay." Eventually, lumabas na siya ng unit at ini-lock ang pinto, at saka pa lang ako nakapaghanda ng aking sarili para sa misa.

Bottomline is, ang weird ng feeling na may kasama ka na hindi man lang kayo nagbabatian, lalo na't hindi ka niya kilala. Pero nahiya talaga ako sa mga pagkakataong iyon.

rdaonm siht

You keep shooting at the bull's eye, but it's just so damn hard. You keep reaching for the stars, but it's just plain too impossible. You try to end never-ending stories, knowing there is no escape. You cut, you bleed and you hurt, you suffer from the pain you made yourself. You do something silly, only making yourself look like a fool. You read, you thought, but I guess you thought wrong. You judge, you misjudge, you ruined well-working relationships. You dream, you yearn, you struggle to survive. You keep dreaming, but dreams they will always be. You live, you fuck, you get fucked and no one helps you back up.

This is just how cruel life is, from my perspective that is.

Mission Failed

Just when I thought of forgetting about you (at least this whole day, by not viewing your profile tonight), I saw your name appear at the right-hand section of you-know-what social networking site. Talk about perfect timing of ruining self-"promises" from online temptations I do whenever I am online. Couldn't stop myself though. There goes byebye forgetting, still viewed it. Dang! Mission failed.

P.S. This is not some sort of romantically-inclined agenda.

Comparisons and Perfection

'Coz when I'm him

I am thinking of you

Thinking of you,

What would you do

If you were the one

Who was spending the night

Oh, I wish that I

Was looking into your eyes.

-Katy Perry

Isn't the picture above adorable? Anyway, last night, I got an LSS with this song for an unknown reason. I checked YouTube and read user comments, and all in there was heartbroken-ness. I felt them, having to like another while you're with someone else, having to have settled with someone you only see as second best because the best told you he/she doesn't like you and told you to move on. I felt the cheating part, as if I'm cheating, I was cheated on, etc etc. I felt them not because I've experienced the same things, but there's just this heartbreaking feeling while listening to the song, and I keep torturing myself with that achy feeling. Though settling for "second best" is probably not a sensitive way to label people, comparisons due to perfections ain't right, 'coz we're all unique in our own different and special ways. Shouldn't have settled for "second best" if you're going to blab and complain about it too much. Way to go from being distracted from my Chemistry paper due later.

Past Life

Ever since the bombing of a bus along EDSA, blockbuster na ang MRT araw-araw. Yesterday, I rode the MRT to get to somewhere to meet a friend. As I waited for my turn sa pila ng ticket na ubod ng haba na mukhang mas okay pa yatang nilakad ko na lang ang pupuntahan ko, I saw someone who looks familiar. He was standing right below where I can view the station's clock, so every time I check the time, I glance at him trying to recall if I really know him. He was actually waiting for someone, a guy friend of his, but I knew he was glancing at me too, as he turned his head left and right.

After I got my ticket, I saw him gone from where he was standing, so I hurried to enter my card, then I saw him with his friend, but I just passed them by since I was too conscious that the train might leave me. Luckily, I got a seat at the train, then he and his friend entered, then as he walked in front of me, he was staring, so I just looked down. He stood somewhere near.

It really felt like we both know each other, only we can't remember. Then the thought of asking him his name crossed my mind, in fact, nagpapractice na nga ako ng lines ko eh. "Hey, do I know you? 'Coz you look familiar. May I know your name?" 'pag kilala ko pangalan niya, syempre magpapakaFC na meh, kung hindi naman, may line na rin ako. "Oh, sorry. I must have gotten the wrong person. Nice meeting you, anyway." Kaso syempre't nahihiya talaga ako dahil napakarandom ng gagawin ko at hindi ko ma-muster ang strength sa pagkakataon na 'yun.

Nang malapit na ako sa bababaan kong station, tumayo na ako. Laking gulat ko at sa parehas na station kami bumaba. Nauna silang bumaba kaysa sa akin, at napansin kong he was glancing a little, maybe to see where I was. Nag-CR sila ng friend niya, pumasok siya pero hanggang sa door lang, na tila'y medyo nakasilip ang ulo. Then I felt again na hinahanap niya ako. Then tumayo siya sa labas ng CR, as if he was looking for someone, while I was near the siomai house (ata) texting my friend kung nasaan na siya. Then he and his friend went to the siomai house behind me, ooohh.. he was so close, they were talking so narinig ko boses niya kahit mahina.

He's not tall, and lalo ko talagang naisip na kilala ko siya. Pero nanghihinayang talaga akong I didn't ask for his name, eh di sana hindi ako isip ng isip kung sino ba siya. :))

On my way home, I posted a status in facebook telling them I saw a guy sa MRT, then one replied, baka past life. Then the thought just came to me, it would be cool if that's real, then you'll get to meet the person in your present life. Feeling ko tuloy soulmate ko siya. lol joke lang po.

Stability

Emotional stability, n the quality of being physically or emotionally predictable, orderly, not readily moved.

Ever felt of emo-ing for no reason? Well, I do, a lot of times. The happy-go-lucky me may not show it, 'coz I mask my emotions well. I know that I am not emotionally stable, in fact, there are times that I just want to cry until I satisfy myself. Since I got my "mood swings" again last night, and still bothered 'till today, I took a personality test to know how emotionally unstable I am.

Your total score is 9 and the average score is 14.70

Your Grade ** Sensitive **

Your answers you gave indicate how emotionally stable you are. A score of 20 and above indicates that you are stable, balanced and free from emotional shifts. A score of less than 10 is characteristic of someone who is more likely to feel stress in life and seeks greater relaxation.

Emotional reaction: Emotionally reactive individuals admit to a variety of problems in coping with day-to-day situations and are often tense and anxious. They are worried about what others think and are deeply affected by circumstances. They are concerned about the future and are often dissatisfied with their past achievements. Having been let down by others in the past may have taught them to be suspicious of the motives and abilities of other people.

Still, my score is below average, a proof that I'm unstable, but at least I'm not neurotic. It's true that I easily get paranoid and bothered when people don't talk to me, and all the other questions in the test, but I don't think sensitive is the right word to describe me. I think I'll probably just cry out this heavy feeling, but I don't feel like crying right now.

Doubting

Recently, I offered help to some friends answering an online exam. Yeah, I know it's not legal to do so, it's a case of cheating. But cheating's a part of our lives one way or another, so I didn't over-think about doing it.

I felt guilty that I was wrong in some parts. But what's worse is the feeling of being doubted even though they knew you already took the same exam. Yeah, I know I can't be a hundred percent sure of the answers I'm telling them that time, but at least I gave them an idea about how it works. Let's just say that they won't accept my idea and they even argued that it's wrong, but during the last minute, when they saw another friend's answers, they told each other that our other friend's "formula" is the same as mine, so they just copied it (fyi, they copied our friend's answers, not mine).

I know this ain't a big deal, I should not care whether they copy my answers or not, but this is just so heartbreaking.