Playtime's Over

It's been four years now, if I remember correctly, and memories in my head always seem to be fresh. I don't know what it really was back then, but I am sure, very sure that even for at least a moment I became true to myself, though not in the presence of others. I knew I like you. We were young, and I was so boyish (and probably immature) that I thought I'd never learn to like you. But guessed what, I did, but no one knew. I know it's tragic, but that's just how I am. I deny, all of the time, 'coz I'm confused and I know I wouldn't be proud to have you; it's not that it's your fault, but there's something in me who yearned for more of what I have. I'm irritated 'coz you're too much of a slacker and I hate the way you speak. But despite all those, there was a feeling that lighted inside me, though I chose to just keep it warm inside. We've separated ways, and it only strengthen the grip inside me which caused me pain, a lot of pain. There were nights that I spend crying and hurting myself, because I realized how much of a fool I am to let go of you. You may not be the best, but you were special. I tried to connect to you, but every time our pathways meet, it only gets more and more awkward, as if there was no way of fixing it.

I'm writing this now, with all my heart, 'coz as if everything's taking its step again, though with a lesser pain. I know I treat you as if I wasn't paying any attention to you, but it's just a way of saving whatever we have left from our friends' awkward words. I know I may have intimidated you from the very start of our story on how we met, but it's this cowardly aura in you that told me to give you up. You, your profile, everything there is about you, I want to delete it know from my life, but then I guess, I realized, you're still an important part of my life. I actually thank you for making me feel something different for the first time, and for making me feel loved. You still are special, friend. We may both have moved on, but I'm really glad I met you. After all this, with your new girl in your life, I hope we'll be back to the old barkada where we started.